What Are We Laughing At?

Aug 27

5 min read

WHEN DID SOMEONE ELSE'S DISTRESS BECOME ENTERTAINMENT?

I laughed at the first couple... Then I stopped!

It was one of those compilation videos that regularly appears on social media. This one was about cats apparently "dominating" dogs.

At first, a cat took a swipe at a dog. Then another. The sort of interaction that's easy to watch and think, Well, someone has clearly established who's in charge here.

I chuckled.

But as the video continued, something changed.

One cat bit a dog on the chest. The dog appeared too frightened to move.

Another dog was muzzled, unable to defend itself from the cat.

Then came a large dog shaking violently, eyes wide, clearly experiencing considerable distress.

I stopped watching, because somewhere along the way, I'd stopped seeing something funny and I'd started seeing fear!

SOMETIMES "FUNNY" REALLY IS FUNNY!

Before I earn myself a reputation as the woman determined to suck every last drop of joy from the internet, let me be clear:

Cloud - laughing, yawning, or distressed?

Animals are funny.
Humans are funny.
We all do ridiculous things.

Spend enough time around horses and you'll witness behaviour that makes maintaining any pretence of dignity virtually impossible.

I'm not suggesting we stop laughing at ourselves, each other or the other creatures with whom we share our lives.

I'm wondering about something slightly different.

What happens when the thing we're laughing at is actually distress?

And perhaps more importantly - do we always recognise the difference?

WHAT WE KNOW CHANGES WHAT WE SEE

Working closely with horses has changed the way I see animal behaviour.

Things that might once have looked "naughty", "stubborn", "dramatic" or simply funny can look very different when you understand more about behaviour, body language and the nervous system.

A horse trying desperately to escape something isn't necessarily being difficult.
A dog that freezes isn't necessarily calmly tolerating what's happening.
Fight, flight and freeze aren't exclusively human responses.
Even an animal we usually think of as a predator can experience itself as threatened - and respond accordingly.

Once you learn to recognise fear, it's surprisingly difficult to find it funny.

But that doesn't necessarily mean the person who does laugh is cruel. Perhaps they simply don't see what you see.

And that thought has been bothering me, because I don't think this is only about animals...

How Good Are We at Recognising Distress in People?

Someone goes quiet in a meeting.

Someone laughs along while they're actually deeply uncomfortable.

Someone freezes and their silence is interpreted as agreement.

Someone reacts disproportionately to something seemingly insignificant and we judge the reaction without knowing what preceded it.

Someone makes a very public mistake and suddenly thousands of strangers are gathering to watch the fallout.

Sometimes the signs are obvious.... Sometimes they're not.

And sometimes, perhaps, we see them perfectly well but become swept along by everyone else's reaction.

Because humans are social animals too.

WHEN DID ACCOUNTABILITY BECOME ENTERTAINMENT?

The recent death of Professor Jason Arday brought me to a sharp halt!

I'm deliberately not going to speculate about the circumstances of his death or attempt to reduce a human life to a neat explanation, but the public scrutiny, allegations, criticism and online commentary surrounding him before his death have made me think deeply about the way we behave when someone is publicly under fire.

There is an important difference between holding someone accountable and taking pleasure in their humiliation.

We can question someone's actions. We can disagree strongly. We can expect people to take responsibility. We can challenge behaviour we believe is wrong.

But somewhere along the line, public accountability can become a spectator sport.

The pile-on begins. And people who have never met the person concerned join thousands of others in delivering another little kick!

Perhaps because everyone else is doing it.

Perhaps because we believe they deserve it.

Perhaps because it feels strangely satisfying to watch somebody else fall.

And perhaps sometimes because we forget there's a living creature at the centre of the spectacle.

WHAT WE LAUGH AT HELPS CREATE CULTURE

This isn't just an internet problem.

Think about workplaces:

What gets laughed at in your team?
Whose mistakes become running jokes?
Who is considered "fair game"?
What happens when someone gets something wrong?
What behaviour earns approval from everyone else in the room?

And perhaps most tellingly, what happens when someone doesn't laugh along?

Culture isn't only created through values statements, policies, away days and inspirational words painted on office walls.

It's created in tiny moments. In what we reward. What we tolerate. What we join in with.

What we laugh at... And what we choose not to.

Those moments teach people whether it's safe to admit they don't know something.

Whether they can make a mistake without becoming the story. Whether they can disagree with the most powerful person in the room. Whether they can say, "Actually, I'm not comfortable with this" without finding themselves on the outside of the group.

And that matters.

Because when people learn that vulnerability comes with a social cost, they become very good at hiding it:

Mistakes get covered up rather than talked about.
Questions don't get asked.
Concerns aren't raised.
People laugh at things they don't actually find funny.

And gradually, often without anybody deliberately setting out to create it, a culture develops in which belonging depends upon knowing when to keep your head down and play along.

That's why I'm increasingly interested in the small stuff.

You can tell me your organisation values openness, respect and inclusion, but I'd also like to sit quietly in the corner for a while and notice what happens when someone gets something wrong.

Or says something unpopular.

Or struggles.

Or simply doesn't join in with the joke.

Because that's where the real culture tends to show itself.

The same is true in families, friendships, communities and online spaces.

We are constantly teaching one another what's acceptable here.

PERHAPS THE QUESTION ISN'T WHETHER WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE

I don't think pointing at everyone else and declaring them cruel gets us very far.

I laughed at the beginning of that video too!

That's partly why it stayed with me!

At some point, I noticed that what I was seeing had changed - or perhaps my understanding of what I was seeing had changed... And I had a choice.

I couldn't change what had already happened. I couldn't reach through the screen and remove the frightened dog from the situation. I couldn't decide what everyone else watching should think.

But I could stop watching.

That seems ridiculously small.

Except we live in an economy built on attention: