Beyond "Fake it 'til You Make It"

RECLAIMING AUTHENTICITY IN A WORLD THAT REWARDS PERFORMANCE

“Fake it ‘til you make it.”

It rolls off the tongue easily, doesn’t it?

For a long time, I didn’t question it. I understood the appeal. There’s something bold and punchy about it, especially when you’re standing in the messy middle of change, clinging to whatever scraps of confidence you can find.

But over time, and through the quiet work I do with people (sometimes with horses by our side, sometimes not), I’ve come to see this idea in a different light. It’s not wrong, exactly. It’s just incomplete.

Because pretending to be something we’re not, even with the best of intentions, often takes us further away from ourselves.

The Cost of Pretending

When we rely too heavily on performance, we risk losing sight of what’s true. And if you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, overthinking, or feeling like you’re about to be “found out”, you’ll know just how exhausting that can be.

This is the realm where Imposter Syndrome feeds. It thrives on the pressure to appear competent, confident, polished, especially when we don’t feel it on the inside.

And yet, Emotional Intelligence reminds us that awareness matters. So does energy. People (and animals, but more on that in a moment) can sense when something’s off, even if they can’t quite name it. There’s a subtle mismatch, a feeling of static in the system.

That’s what I see in coaching spaces all the time. Capable, thoughtful humans who are tired of holding up the mask.

What if the alternative isn't "less confident," but more real?

Rather than faking it, what would it mean to lead and, more importantly, live with congruence and authenticity?

Not the loudest version of yourself. Just the truest.

Congruence is when how we feel, how we think, and how we show up are in sync; when we’re our authentic selves, with all our human frailties. And in my experience, it creates the conditions for real connection, within ourselves and with others.

I see this most clearly in the work I do that includes horses. If you’re new to my work, I’m an Equine Facilitated Learning practitioner, which means I use relational experiences with horses to support human development. It’s coaching, but held in a different kind of space.

In that space, honesty matters more than confidence. Presence matters more than performance. You can’t think your way into connection. You have to be there.

And that’s true in the field. It’s true in the boardroom. And it’s true in the quiet, tender moments of self-reflection we often avoid.

Vulnerability isn't Weakness. It's Wisdom.

There’s a quote from Brené Brown that says: “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real.”

That choice isn’t always easy. Especially when the world tells us to keep it together, stay professional, look the part.

But what if there’s more strength in softness than we realise?

What if courage lives not in knowing all the answers, but in daring to show up, uncertain but aligned?

As a coach, this is the work I love. Helping people find their way back to themselves. With compassion, not critique. With curiosity, not judgement.

A gentle question for you.....

Where in your life are you holding your breath, hoping you’ll pass muster?

And what might shift if, instead, you paused long enough to check in with what’s true for you?

You don’t have to be anything other than who you already are. That’s where the real magic begins.

If this resonates.....

If you’re feeling the pull towards something more authentic, more grounded, I’d love to hear from you.

Whether you’re drawn to coaching, curious about working alongside the horses, or just finding your way back to your own sense of self, I offer spaces that make room for all of that.

You’re very welcome here.